The Ugly Woman's Guide to Internet Dating: What I Learned From 70 First Dates

By: Rosemary Thornton
Perfect Paperback, 193 pages
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In four years, Rose had 70 first dates. Yes, 70.

In her own words:

Life is very different for the woman who thinks of herself as physically unattractive and there are few places in the adult world where these differences manifest themselves in such sharp and bold relief as the world of internet dating.

My tender heart jumped up and down in excitement countless times when I was confident that I d found the man that d wear my wedding ring. Yet looking back, the predominant emotion I felt throughout this internet dating experience was frustration.

The two dozen internet-dating books I had read never mentioned the frustration factor. Looking at the authors bios on these internet dating books, it was evident that these books were written by and for the beautiful people. What could they know about the pain of being rejected (again and again), solely because of your looks?

The amount of rejection I experienced in the virtual world of the internet was massive. It eroded my self-worth and diminished my self-confidence to a point where I had to withdraw periodically and recharge.

The cycle was almost comical. Sign up at one of the online dating sites. Write a new profile. Read new profiles. Invest hours in finding suitable men, emailing men, phoning men and then, finally, a face-to-face meeting with The Man. Then a second date, a third and a fourth. And then become smitten with said man. And then get heart broken by man. Cry a lot. Eat a little. Lose some weight. Get happier. Get distracted with work. Get happy with life. And then the lonelies would start. And then I d tell myself, Well maybe if I just tried one more time.

My dogged persistence was fueled by a simple motive: I longed to be mired in romantic love. I wanted to know how it felt to be cherished and respected and adored and admired by a man. I wanted to have a man that I could cherish and respect and adore and admire. I wanted a man who d call me pet names like Peachblossom. I wanted to have someone to call with my happy news, and someone who d let me cry on his shoulder when there was bad news.

During this four-year period, I became disgusted with the overly simplistic, one-size-fits-all advice I found in the mainstream books on internet dating. When you re a woman of a certain age and a woman of a certain size and a woman with a certain look, much of the advice offered in these books is bad advice that will leave you with a heart that s been broken in too many pieces to count. If your heart does survive the experience intact, chances are your self-esteem won t be so lucky. Dating via a medium that judges you by nothing more than your profile picture is hard for everyone and it is emotional torture for women who feel that they re less than beautiful.

The so-called experts also claim that profiles with photos generate eight to 20 times more response than photo-less profiles.

My profile generated more responses and better responses without a photo.

Depressing? Yes. Look what I said about it in my journal: Feel rejected and dejected on every side. So many guys have looked at my photo and then rejected me. I wonder if I will ever find a man who loves me.

You need to know that my story had a good ending, because many parts were dark, depressing and heartbreaking.

And my good ending was what I learned about myself, and what I learned about real love, true beauty and thumbnail pictures. Come sit with me for a time, read my story, and let me tell you what I've learned.

 

Thank you, Rose!

- 5 Apr, 2010
Thank you, Rose, for making me laugh, for your candor, your courage and your profound observations about human nature and life and what it's like to be single and "ugly." I was sorry when I came to the end of the book but happy that you had found the man of your dreams - Mr. Green Flannel. I can't wait to see what you write about next!

 

Great book for those who delve into Internet dating

- 5 Mar, 2010
I must admit that I 'know' the author through various forums on which we mutually post. I like her very much and have a great deal of respect for her. When I read her book, I enjoyed it, but couldn't relate to it because I am a widow who, for various reasons, has decided that finding another mate is probably not in the cards for me. I didn't feel that I was qualified to review the book for those reasons.

I did, however, buy the book for each of two friends who are very much involved in Internet dating and they LOVED the book! They found it VERY helpful in wading through the various steps of getting to know a potential mate through Internet dating.

Rosemary went through a lot of trouble to document each of her experiences in the Internet dating world. I so admire her tenacity and am very happy that she found her love! Her experiences go a long way in helping others who are navigating Internet dating waters.

 

two thumbs way up

- 3 Feb, 2010
This book needs to be at the top of every woman's Must Read list, regardless of whether you're single and happy, single and looking, or happily taken. Every woman can relate to Rosemary's intensely honest and open narrative. Not only is the tale of her 70 first dates immensely empathetic and encouraging to the internet dater, but through her trials and tribulations, any reader - man or woman - can teach themselves to look at the inner beauty and strength of the soul, whether it is their own, or that of the people around them. Rosemary's witty sense of humor comes to life at all the right times, and she somehow manages to find peace and calm throughout some of the darkest, doubt-filled chapters of the book. This is a wonderful read, and not just a "guide" for women, but an insightful, eye-opening story that everyone can enjoy.


 

Grab a hankie as you cozy up with this wonderful book

- 2 Feb, 2010
You'll laugh; you'll cry; you'll ask yourself why you ever thought meeting someone online was a good idea in the first place. But Thornton has a strong sense of balance as she describes the often heart-wrenching process of finding the perfect mate. As she describes the lousy dates, I couldn't help but cheer her on to the next one, hoping it would be better. And the good news is that her suffering paid off!


 

This Book Helped Me So Much!!!

- 7 Jan, 2010
I could hardly put ''The Ugly Woman's Guide to Internet Dating' down once I got started reading it, considering I had been trying to do the internet thing and was sorely disappointed with the whole process. Rosemary gave me a whole new outlook toward approaching this process. I was able to look at the profiles and be more picky without feeling like I was going to miss out on THE ONE. This book also helped me to gain confidence in that I am worthy of the type of man I wanted. I don't have to settle for less. Since reading Rosemary Thornton's book, I have met a much higher caliber of men and they are actually responding to my emails. Why? Because I saw that I had been going about the process from the wrong perspective. This book helps you to get the confidence you need to get on these sites and get much better results. Don't let the title fool you. This book is not about ugly women.